![]() ![]() I feel like there's no room for me to be feeling this now, I am "supposed" to be all done with this since it's 20 years later. Then just now i got an email from the woman who's in charge of religious education at church - one of my students from my youth class just lost one of her mothers suddenly too (she lives in Japan).Īnyway. I'm guessing that DS can relate to this feeling perhaps. You just want to get done with all of this grieving and get back to whatever the normal is.Īfter church we went to Fresh Choice and I had macaroni and cheese and I had this feeling sunk deep in the pit of my stomach, it was all numb, but I was still hungry and wanting the macaroni and cheese but just eating it mechanically as if I wasn't really there. David Z thinks it's because so many people did this at that time for me and there's really no where to put that feeling - "Yes, thank you for your concern," etc. Sunday I went to church and so many people approached me to thank me for pushing them to send memories (and also some comforting re: my mom too) - it realy started to trigger some of the stuff from my mom's death. So I was pretty emotionally wiped after that but Saturday was still mostly about David and Charlotte. He actually ate while he was out with us - he hadn't been eating much of anything at all. I'm really glad we were able to help in some way even if only just being around with him. I fielded some emails about the memorial book proposal for Charlotte and asked him directly in the car, responded back to the group. On Friday David called and asked if we could hang out with him on Saturday, so we did. I don't want people to think that it is all about me when I bring up this loss - I think people are getting that. I am having way more triggers back to Mom's sickness and death than I was expecting. So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now a part of us, as we remember them. When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them. When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them. When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them. ![]() In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them. In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, we remember them. In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, we remember them. In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, we remember them.īy the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them. ![]() In the rising of the sun and in its going down, we remember them. Here's the reading chosen by LZ, which Julia led, before the Spiral Dance: Maybe she'd be sitting next to Jen and they'd be talking science stuff or something. I wrote her name on a piece of paper because I didn't bring a picture this year, but at some point I was imagining her standing near the paper, to the left of the altar, or sitting with the choir. I could also feel her presence at the Day of the Dead service on Sunday. Jackie and I are going to write this year. Like my NaNoWriMo writing, which is about to start up again. We recited this poem which I will quote here to remember it (and in case this blog is some kind of spiritual connector to Mom). I was also very moved by the chanting, and felt even more involved than normal because I was also trying to accompany John on shakers, rattles, and improvise my way into it. We were sitting on chairs up on the "stage" and everyone else had chairs in a circle in the main area.īut I came forward in order to go invite Mom. I wasn't actually sitting in the circle because I was helping John with the percussion. I also thought about Erika P's mom, who just passed away recently, and who Julia remembered. I thought about Charlotte S but didn't say her name. The people sat in a circle around a low round table with candles on it, and each got up to invite their loved one into the group. It kind of felt like she was already present for me, anyway. I'm not sure what Mom would have thought of this, but I invited her anyway. It was really a moving ritual, where people poured water (from our holy water of the UU) from a pitcher into a bowl, while inviting the departed spirits to be part of the circle. In some rituals the spirits of the departed are invited to attend the festivities." celebrate the lives of those who have passed on, and it often involves paying respect to ancestors, family members, elders of the faith, friends, pets and other loved ones who have died. We had a Samhain service today at the UU, led by Laura Z, and as the wikipedia article describes, ![]()
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